Lan Parties

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Heuristics and Usability Guidelines
 for the Creation and Evaluation of Fun at Ripping LAN Parties

(Shamelessly Ripped from www.gamespy.com )

Part I: Definitions
For the purposes of our evaluation and research at this time, the "LAN Party" or "Local Area Network Party" is defined as:
 

A Social Gathering of like-minded individuals connecting through an electronic medium with the primary purpose of totally whaling on that one bitch who always camps the airplanes.

 Figure 1: Know How to Party.

 

 Part II: Literature Survey

  • The collected works of LANParty.com

  • This one dude I went to college with who used to live at a house with a basement we called "The Dungeon." He would play Beck really loud and get blasted during keggers and then he'd scream at his bathroom mirror. One time he sent me this two-page email that he swears up and down he can't remember writing. It was the cornerstone of my research.

  • The entire backstory for Soul Calibur 2

  • "Social Dynamics of Post-Adolescent Fertility in Suburban Electronic Festival Culture Environments" (Seung, 1996)

  • Various undisclosed adult image websites


Figure 2.  Bring the Hardware Bizzatch!

 



 

 

 Part III: The Heuristics of a Ripping LAN Party

  • Cool names like "'FroCon" or "WANG!2K3"
  • Some Sort of Barbecue Sauce, something in a bottle with a homemade label that says "BONE-SUCKIN' SAUCE"
  • At No Point should anyone need to utter, "Is there any beer left?"
  • The "Red" team and the "Blue" team remain Mortal Enemies 
  • Do Not Double-Dip
  • That couch that's sitting outside by the patio, the one that's been sitting there since the cat peed on it? Best not to tell the guy sleeping on that couch about the whole cat thing.
  • What part of Don't Take the Village do you not understand?
  • The Flag must not remain in enemy hands
  • Keep dangerous electrical wiring away from the bong water
  • This Man must attend
  • Left to their own devices, gamers will build Protective Walls of Soda Cans around their system like white picket fences in a caffeinated suburbia
  • That dude? On the floor? Under the window? Wrapped Up In Your Drapery for warmth? Let him sleep
  • Why is this Jackhole playing EverQuest? Hello? It's a LAN party, you're supposed to be partying ... on a LAN ... Someone give this guy a swirly

 
Part IV: The Part with the Cool Charts and Diagrams
Essential to the continuance of any LAN party wishing to preserve the "Ripping" designation is an art heretofore referred to as "Mojo maintenance." See chart:

 
Figure 2: Analysis of Mojo Dynamics in Real-World LAN Party Environments