Nasrudin returned from the imperial capital, and the villagers gathered around to hear what had passed.
"At this time," said Nasrudin, "I only want to say that the King spoke to me."
All the villagers but the stupidest ran off to spread the wonderful news.
The remaining villager asked, "What did the King say to you?"
"What he said - and quite distinctly, for everyone to hear - was 'Get out of my way, Imbecile!'"

The River Bank

Nasrudin sat on a river bank when someone shouted to him from the other bank:
"Hey! how do I get across?"
"You are across!" Nasrudin shouted back.

The Orchard

One day Nasrudin found a dervish stealing figs in his orchard.
As he grabbed the fakir by the neck he shouted:
“What do you think you are doing here sheikh?”
“Nothing wrong," answered the Sufi with insolent confidence. "I am Allah’s loving servant, feeding on the fruit of God’s tree in Allah’s garden.”
“Is that so”, growled the Hodja and proceeded to beat him with no pity but with a solid wooden stick instead.
“Wicked sinner! screamed the dervish, how do you dare rising your hand upon a saint? Don’t you see what you are doing?”
“Nothing wrong," replied the Hodja, "Just hitting the servant of Allah, with the stick of Allah, under the tree of Allah, to preserve Allah’s garden”

Who's on first? (the Genesis)

Nasrudin walked into a shop one day, and the owner came forward to serve him.
Nasrudin said, "First things first. Did you see me walk into your shop?"
"Of course."
"Have you ever seen me before?"
"Never."
"Then how do you know it was me?"

On Being prepared

"Why are you sitting at the crossroad Mullah?"
"One day something will happen here, and a crowd will gather. When that comes about, I may not be able to get close enough to see - so I am preparing my position now.